2009 A New Year for A New Me!!!!

I seemed to have lost myself these past three years. I have become a mother, something I would never take back, but in the process I have lost me. I have lost who I was before Gavin. I don't feel like much of a wife or a woman anymore and I want that back. I am starting a new year and a new me. More like the old me with some improvements.

First of those will be losing weight. As much of it as I can. My realistic goal is 45lbs. Which still won't put me were I need to be. That means eating out/ordering in only once a week. We have been eating out so much lately. That also means eating less "packaged" food. It also means giving up soda (except that one meal out a week). It also means working out atleast 30 min a day 5 days a week. I am hoping to join a aerobics class at a friends church.

Second is taking better care of myself. That means waking up before Gavin. If that is possible. And starting my day without him. Working out, showering and getting ready for the day before he gets up. This will be my hardest task as he comes to sleep with me in the middle of the night and never sleeps past 7am.

The third is to get more organzied and keep the house in better order. I find myself scurying to clean up when someone comes over. The house looks wonderful for the day then somehow a tornado comes through over night and the next day it is back to the way it was before. It is the matter of keeping things were they belong that is the problem. Keeping the house organized more than anything. The dishes are done the toilet is scrubbed it is the toys everywhere, the newspaper still on the coffee table the clothes clean and still in the basket waiting to be folded and hung up.

I wish the fourth goal could be to get on a schedule but with Gavin never sleeping and Chad on a swing shift well it is impossible so my goal is to make sure my other goals get done even with our crazy schedule.

Ohh the fifth. To get Gavin potty trained!!!! He was doing a great job right after he turned one. But he lost interest and i didn't push it. Maybe I should have? i really feel he will be ready for preschool at 3. It is awhile away so I will make my defintely decision then but I think he needs the social and structure of school.

The sixth goal is be a wife. Chad and I rarely go out without Gavin and when we go it is rushed to get where we are going or get done what we need to so that is my goal. Whether it be dates by ourselves or going out with friends I would love to go out atleast once a month. I was very uncomfortable leaving Gavin with anyone until recently. I realize now I am just being silly. Chad and I have a wonderful relationship and love each other very much but I think we are losing us. We are a family now. And I always thought that that meant we did everything as a family. now I know we need our time too.

Third is to spend less time doing lazy things and more time being active, productive and me.

Advent Calendars!!!

I decided to make Advent calendars for the Grandparents. Well all except my mom, sorry mom it wouldn't make it to you on time. I wish I could say the idea was my own but it wasn't. I did add my own craftiness to it so it is my design not my idea. I have decided to blog it so that anyone who wants to use the idea can and so I don't forget how I did it.

Supplies needed:

*one 5x7 picture frame ( I got them at the $store, ones with thin frames work best because some of the candy will spill over the glass onto the frame. It can be wide just thin works best)

*25 Hershey's Nuggets (more if you decide to eat a couple :)

*double stick tape

*holiday craft paper

*a paper cutter is very helpful

*ribbon

*thin ribbon or shinny cord

*a 5x7 photo or verse on a 5x7 sheet of paper if you want

*small number stickers

*cricut machine to make paper ornaments, you can also hand cut these out

Directions:

1. place your photo in the frame.

2. cut holiday paper into 25 strips 1inch by 3inches

3. using the double stick tape cover the candy with the papers

4. using the double stick tape again (gotta love the double stick tape!!!) put a strip of tape a little longer than the width of the glass horizontally on the glass. A little needs to hang over on each side because the candies will.

5. take five candies starting in the center line them up on the double stick tape. Make sure they are right against the top of the glass/frame or the last row of candies won't fit.

6. Repeat steps 4 & 5 until you have 5 rows of 5 candies each.

7. use number stickers to put numbers 1-25 on the candies.

8. place ribbon on the frame as shown. Make sure you place the ribbon under the frame stand on the back or you can't stand it up.

9. cut out a tag or paper ornament

10. using the thin ribbon or cord attach the tag onto the ribbing near the bow.

Wallah!!!! You have a great Advent Calendar for anyone. I put a picture of Gavin in mine so one Christmas when they remove the last candy they will have a framed pic of him. I am giving these for Thanksgiving because I want them to have them for the first day of Christmas!!! You could do these for any holiday or occasion and you don't have to number them. Might make a great wedding gift put $ in the frame and cover the candies with wedding paper and when they eat all the candy they are surprised with money. Ok I just thought of that I am so using that idea!!! Anyone getting married soon??

Let me know if anyone decides to make one I would love to see how it turns out!!!!

Our first Date!

... Chad and I went out on our first date since Gavin was born 26 months ago. Yes you just read that right! We have gone out three times before but this was our first official date alone. The first time we were out was when Gavin was four months old. We went to have my wisdom teeth removed so I don't think that counts as a date. The next two times would be to see the Tran Siberian Orchestra. But both times we went with Chad's parents and sister and her husband so they don't count either.

Chad's mom watched Gavin which didn't worry me at all. He is two now and as long as he is changed and given food he would be fine. No it was the week of cleaning so my MIL could come over that stressed me out. I am so afraid she will judge everything. I felt very judged by his family for the last two years. Chad says no to worry about it but there is always someone to judge me against. So I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned again. I was finally satisfied, or exhausted, with my cleaning.

The date was a wedding for Pete (Chad works with him) and his bride Sharon. The wedding was at 4pm at the Barn at Boones Dam. I had never been there before. It was amazing. The bride is from Scotland so they had a traditional Scottish wedding with Kilts and all. It was so different and beautiful. After the ceremony we went inside for cocktails and mingling. Then back out side for a candle lit dinner. Balzanos in Bloom (where the bride works as their catering organizer) catered the dinner. Ohh my goodness was the food amazing. There was salad, stuffed chicken, baked zitti, eggplant parm, veggie lasagna, potatoes, mixed veggies, stuffing, and I am sure there was more I just can't remember. Ohh and the cake WOW!!! Only a few guys from work were invited so that was really nice. They are all guys (and their wives/fiances) that I have met before and I think all have been to the house. They are hilarious, as is Chad, so the combo was great. After dinner we went back inside for MORE drinks and dancing. I am proud to announce I had three glasses of champagne, a glass of wine and half of Chad's fuzzy Nave. If you know me you know I haven't had a drink in 14 months and I needed one.

I told chad we needed to get married again so we could do everything they did. It was so nice to get out just the two of us even though we were with friends. Unfortunately we had to leave at 9:30pm because Chad had to get up at 4am to work the next day. I would have loved to stay longer. I can't wait until December 4th when we go to Wachovia to see Jeff Dunham alone.

I am Blessed!

So I am sure this will become a place to vent my frustrations so I want to start on a positive note. I will probably add to this as I think of new things but here it goes....I am Blessed.

• I am blessed to know Jesus. Might sound corny to some but it is true. I know where I stand in this life and the life ever after.
• I am blessed to know who I am. Many do not know themselves. I am a very strong willed person. Not by my own choice but I have had to grow up faster than I wish any child to have to. I have learned from this and it makes me who I am.
• I am Blessed to have a wonderful Husband who loves me even when I don't love myself. I take this for granite way too much. There is only one person I know who has a husband who is as amazing as mine and she knows who she is. That's not to say other people don't have these men but none that I have met and gotten to know. I was reminded of that today while having lunch with a friend. Unlike her husband Chad will watch Gavin whenever I needed him to no matter what. He also does things with me (and Gavin) that he may not entirely enjoy but knows how much they mean to me so he does. He is always there for me no matter what. He picks me up when I fall and always makes me reach higher than I think I can go. He is an inspiration and the strongest person I know. I pray Gavin grows up to be as an amazing man as he is.
• I am blessed because I recognize I have learned lessons in my life that I wish no one will ever have to learn.
• I have been blessed with two of the most amazing Grandparents one little girl will ever know. Not that my other Grandparents aren't wonderful people they are and I am blessed to have them as well but my father's parents touched me in a way that ever child needs. My mothers parents are strong people with strong values. They worked all their lives on the farm. They still would if their health would allow. I love them dearly but my fathers parents where different. I am not sure if it was because I was fortunate enough to see them twice a month unlike my mother's parents we only saw a couple times a year. I think it was because visiting them was like escaping my life for two weekends a month. Life was always happy with them, no worries no strife. They were German very German. They lived most of their lives in the Bronx until they moved to they Poconos when I was just an infant. I think it was when they retired. They built their home. It was located in a place called Hemlock Farms in Hawley, PA. The most wonderful place to grow up as a child. It was a private gated community and still is. You needed a key card to get in the gate or you needed to be put on a guest list by the homeowner living in the community if you were visiting. It had three lakes, two great for swimming and another great for sailing. It has a club house with a spa, gym, indoor pool, tennis courts, etc. It also had outdoor pool and a golf course. All just for its residence. It was the kinda place you needed council approval the paint your house a non natural color like blue. It was surrounded by forest and nature. You need permission to build or even cut a tree down and you were only allowed to cut the trees down enough to build a home. And the homes were spread apart not like in town. Many families from New york City built summer homes there. A tiny two bedroom home would sell for well over $300,000. I say "it was because" I haven't visited since before my grandmother died. You see my father was 19 years older than my mother so my grandparents were older than most when I was younger. Sometimes I get angry at my father for being older or my mother for marrying someone twice her age because I was young when my Grandparents died and I feel like I was cheated. I think about if I had been older I would have paid more attention to things. I don't know much about my Gebhardt heritage but I know that that is who I am. I am nothing like my mother and very little like my father. I am who I am because of them and what they have taught me. Not much in my life was ever consistent but they were. But I was young and all that mattered was how much they loved me and my sister. We were "the girls". The only granddaughters and that was important. My sister visited the house after my Grandmother passed away but I was only 15 and it hurt just to much. I regret it every day. I think back at all the things I would have done to make sure I never forget. My father and uncle sold the house soon after she died. I didn't know why I guess for the killing they made off of it. After they sold the home the new owners wanted to change the electric heat to gas. It resulted in a tragedy. The house blew up. Nothing stood but the fireplace. It was my safe haven. It was my constant. If only I had been older I would have found a way to buy the home. It was me. I will never forget the house and all of its ways. Like the height chart that was in the doorway to my sister and I's room. If anything I could have had from the house was that silly piece of trim. I think about calling my Aunt Pat (my grandmother's best friend not really related) who still lives there and going for a visit. It would be the only way to get in the gate. But I don't know why I don't. I miss everything about that place but mostly I miss my Grandparents. I would love for Gavin to have met my Grandparents. When I look at him and see myself in him I see my Grandparents, he is a Gebhardt too. I would have loved for him to have gained the values and traditions they have shared with me. I only hope I can teach him half of what they have taught me. I have never been more loved by two more incredible people and I am blessed to have grown with them and been loved and taught by them.
• I am blessed to have such amazing friends. They all know who they are. I am not shy about telling them they mean alot to me. We teach each other so much. They help me understand things I doubt. We are very open with each other and there is nothing I can not tell them. True great friends are hard to find. I know I will be able to count on them even when we are old and gray. They are always there to catch me when I fall and I love them for that.
• I am blessed to understand we need to take care of this earth. It is the only one we have people. TAKE CARE OF IT. Even doing a little can do so much.
• I am blessed because I understand that my Child is the most important thing in my life. I know that he is mine and I understand that I need to teach him, love him, provide for him, always give him security and help him become him. Some take parenthood for granite.
• I am blessed to have my sister. I love her more than she will ever know.
• I am blessed to be able to stay home with my son.
• I am blessed that I understand things happen for a reason and with prayer anything can happen.
• I am blessed because my family knows how much they mean to me.
• I am blessed....to be continued