I seemed to have lost myself these past three years. I have become a mother, something I would never take back, but in the process I have lost me. I have lost who I was before Gavin. I don't feel like much of a wife or a woman anymore and I want that back. I am starting a new year and a new me. More like the old me with some improvements.
First of those will be losing weight. As much of it as I can. My realistic goal is 45lbs. Which still won't put me were I need to be. That means eating out/ordering in only once a week. We have been eating out so much lately. That also means eating less "packaged" food. It also means giving up soda (except that one meal out a week). It also means working out atleast 30 min a day 5 days a week. I am hoping to join a aerobics class at a friends church.
Second is taking better care of myself. That means waking up before Gavin. If that is possible. And starting my day without him. Working out, showering and getting ready for the day before he gets up. This will be my hardest task as he comes to sleep with me in the middle of the night and never sleeps past 7am.
The third is to get more organzied and keep the house in better order. I find myself scurying to clean up when someone comes over. The house looks wonderful for the day then somehow a tornado comes through over night and the next day it is back to the way it was before. It is the matter of keeping things were they belong that is the problem. Keeping the house organized more than anything. The dishes are done the toilet is scrubbed it is the toys everywhere, the newspaper still on the coffee table the clothes clean and still in the basket waiting to be folded and hung up.
I wish the fourth goal could be to get on a schedule but with Gavin never sleeping and Chad on a swing shift well it is impossible so my goal is to make sure my other goals get done even with our crazy schedule.
Ohh the fifth. To get Gavin potty trained!!!! He was doing a great job right after he turned one. But he lost interest and i didn't push it. Maybe I should have? i really feel he will be ready for preschool at 3. It is awhile away so I will make my defintely decision then but I think he needs the social and structure of school.
The sixth goal is be a wife. Chad and I rarely go out without Gavin and when we go it is rushed to get where we are going or get done what we need to so that is my goal. Whether it be dates by ourselves or going out with friends I would love to go out atleast once a month. I was very uncomfortable leaving Gavin with anyone until recently. I realize now I am just being silly. Chad and I have a wonderful relationship and love each other very much but I think we are losing us. We are a family now. And I always thought that that meant we did everything as a family. now I know we need our time too.
Third is to spend less time doing lazy things and more time being active, productive and me.
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