New Years Resolutions!

This could be an endless list I am sure! So I will limit myself to 20 things! Sounds like a lot but we will see! If you find yourself judging me when reading these then please unfollow me! :) I am a Mamma of three and these are all very real to me! :)

* Lose weight....
* Take my house back!
* Craft at least once a week for 2 hours
* Read two books a month
* Drink more water
* Stop caring what others think
* Limit my computer time
* Plan monthly menus
* Start running...or jogging...or wogging would even be an improvement
* Work out at least 4 days a week
* Keep the inside of my car clean
* ORGANIZE
* Declutter
* Go on a date at least once every 6 weeks
* Go out with friends at least once every 6 weeks
* Play outside with my kids more (when the weather allows)
* Don't go to bed unless the toys are picked up and down stairs vacuumed
* Eat dinner at the table more often
* Start saving money
* Beautify the outside of my house!

I am sure I will think of others but that is my 20 item start! Wish me luck!

Jewelry I am working on! GSFHVFV17514818

Paper Bead Necklace!

Paper Bead Earrings!

Paper Bead Earrings!

Paper Bead Anklet made from a Yogi mothers milk tea magazine ad!

Pearl earrings!


beckyandchad@hotmail.com
GSFHVF17514818

some common side effects include redness at the injection site.....

Seriously I feel like a pin cushion. Poor Chad has to do the dirty work too. He was so excited Sunday. When I asked why he said because he didn't have to give me any more injections. I laughed and said "hun there is another box of 5 left". I felt so badly for him. But the doctor gave me the ok to stop them on Monday. Well those injections at least.
Ok let me go back a bit. Today is cycle day 13 and well CD 1-8 were pretty uneventful. Clomid CD 3-7 and Repronex injections (which are making me sick) CD 6-11. So I will start at CD9 (Friday). The mid cycle scan. You all know by know how that goes and well if you don't then you don't need to know. CD 9 was early for the scan but with the weekend we didn't want to chance missing ovulation. Follicles 14 on the Left and 14 & 15 on my Right. So I had to go back on Monday for another mid cycle scan. This time it was CD 12 and much closer to ovulation. Follicle's were 19 on the Left and 18 & 20 on the Right. Woohooo three really good follicles. The left doesn't count so we are just going by the right. My RE seemed very excited about that and even said "ohhh chance for multiples". That honestly scares the crap out of me. I am really not sure my uterus can hold two. I have always dreamed of an even number. So no one is ever left out of the buddy system. Who wants to ride the roller coaster alone? I know I am silly. But I will take what I can get and God will never give me more than he knows I can handle. So last night Chad had to give me my final injection (HCG) to make me ovulate in 36 hours. Tomorrow we will go for our second round of IUI.
I pray this is it.

(sorry this isn't more but Gavin is being miserable and I can't think straight)

72 million and counting...

Cycle Day 11 has come and gone and for some reason I am reserved to write here. I am not sure why. A Wednesday like any other. A travel to Danville for an RE appointment but what is new about that? Was actually nice to get there in only 30 minutes or so. The weather was crappy and the roads empty. Thank goodness. I swear people traveling to and from Danville don't know how to drive. They never go the speed limit. AHHHHH!!! We usually give ourselves an hour to get there and find a parking spot. The search for the parking could take 15 minutes alone. I am just glad the RE office is the first door after you enter the Children's Hospital side. My Endo is all the way on the other side and up like eight floors. That hospital is like a maze. We are experts now between the Endo, Gavin and this. Ok sorry back to the appointment. So since no one was around due to the weather we got right in. Also, never happens. Did all the normal things for a mid cycle scan. *No details needed here*! It took the Dr forever to find any follicles as usual. After much pushing on my stomach he found them. Yeah!!! A 20, 10 & 8 on my right side and a 17 on my left. The left as you know doesn't count. All that matters is that the right is larger than the left. So they called over to the Napper Clinic my injection which I needed to take that night at 11:30pm. A little pissed because the injection cost $8 with our insurance but Drs have found that it works for Obese people to drop weight. Seriously you can loose two pounds a day giving yourself these injections. But that is not what they are intended for. So they are out of the injection because there is a shortage of it. So they have to give me the more expensive injection $40. I was pissed. I know I shouldn't be most insurances don't cover it at all and for that one injection alone is almost $100. So we go home and wait until 11:30pm so Chad can give me the injection. Doesn't hurt which is weird but Gavin destroyed my nerves on my lower stomach so I don't feel anything there. Wasn't a pretty situation when they went to do the C-Sect. Ouch!!! So we go back Friday.....

Cycle Day 13! Today!! What a day. Chad's appointment was for 10am then we had to wait two hours and come back at noon. I was excited and scared that it wouldn't work. But not nervous...well not until they called me back and made me wait in the room for 15 minutes. This is not unusual but I was getting knots in my stomach. So the Dr came in and verified that the vial was ours. Yup! It was! Then she said the magic number...72 million. Yup 72! Last time it was checked it was 111 million. But this time they had to wash it and well some don't make it. She said they like it to be over 20 million, 10 million washed. The Dr did her thing*I don't feel details are needed here*. It involved a catheter. Enough said. So they are there or here whichever you prefer. So I can go crazy for the next two weeks. I go next Friday for bloodwork to check my progesterone levels. If they are low I will need another med.

And now we wait.....with our fingers and toes crossed...and pray.

Cycle Day 8!

Today is CD 8! I am pretty excited because I am hoping this will be it! Same prayer different month but this month is different. We are doing IUI if everything goes as planned. Of course it will depend on a lot of things. First will be my mid cycle scan. Because of only having a functioning right side I need to take med to make both sides ovulate. This brings us to another problem. Because my uterus is only half the size as a normal uterus the chances of multiples is much more dangerous for me. Twins run in my family and the more meds the higher the chance so we have to be very careful. We would have already been to this stage in the game months ago if it were not for this caution. So I am taking clomid again this month and this will be my last month with this med. I have been on it too long and need to move onto injectables. Ok so back to the IUI. Most people don't do IUI with clomid they do it with injectables but my chances of multiples is already increased so we are doing as little as possible to get pregnant. So it was 150mg od Clomid CS 3-7. Now we wait. On Wednesday we go to the RE and I have a mid cycle scan. This will determine if the clomid worked, how many follicles I have, the size of the follicles, which side they are on (we need larger ones on the right side) and if I have any cysts. If all is well they will give me two wonderful vials and a syringe. Chad will have to mix the meds and inject them into my stomach right before I ovulate. This med will absolutely make me ovulate. Then I will go back to the RE when they tell me based on my follicle size. And they will do the IUI. Then we wait again! Until then.....fingers crossed this works this time!

How we got here...

We have been TTC for 18 cycles now for another child. A second and last child. I was diagnosed with Graves Disease in Feb of 2005 which caused me hyperthyroidism. With lots of drugs and radio active treatments my thyroid was destroyed and now I have hypothyroidism and need to take meds each day to regulate my hormone levels. In Oct 2005 we were given the go ahead to TTC and in Nov (our second try) we were blessed with our first bean. This time has not been so easy. We have been TTC for 18 cycles now. In April after my Gyno wanted to give me clomid I called a RE. I never imagined after getting pregnant the first time so easily that this time would be well this hard. Here is what has been going on since:

8.07-2.08 Cycles 1-6
3.5.08 OB Appt. After reading my chart from my C-sec we found out I had a bicornuate uterus (a heart shaped) was told it wouldn't affect chances of conceiving but would limit chances of carrying a pregnancy. Dr wanted to give me clomid but I wanted more info before we started it.
3.21.08- Cycle 7 Called an RE
4.3.08- First Appt with RE. Decided to send me for an HSG ( a very wonderful Dye test where a catheter is inserted into your uterus) to check out tubes before giving me clomid.
4.13.08 Cycle 8
4.18.08- Dh SA showed his count was 111 mill (20 mill is normal).
4.24.08- HSG reveled I didn't have a bicornuate Uterus but a unicornuate uterus (only my right side). Have both ovaries and tubes but my left releases into my abdomen.
May 13th - Cycle 9- 50 mg clomid but didn't Ovulate
June 5th - Cycle 10- 100 mg clomid with no O again
June 29th - Cycle 11- 150 mg clomid. Ovulated but did not conceive. Clomid caused a cyst.
July 24th - Cycle 12 - no meds due to cyst. Waiting for it to dissolve.
Aug 20th- Cycle 13 - Femara and HCG injection.
Sept 14th - cycle 14 - Clomid 150 mg, HCG and Metformin ( to help with cysts).
9.24.08 Mid cycle scan showed a 16mm follicle on my left (unusable side) and a 6mm, 8mm, and 16mm on my right side.
9.26.08 HCG injection
9.27.08 very painful ovulation
10.6.08 9DPO decided I should test out my trigger. -HPT trigger is gone
10.9.08 Cycle 15 150 Clomid, Taking a break from temping and going crazy!!!! Yes I am one of those crazy people who take my temp, test my ovulation and check my cervical mucus and positioning.
11.3.08 Cycle 16 150 Clomid & HCG Oed, progesterone
12.02.08 Cycle 17 I need a break!! I am mentally drained. I never thought I would get to a point where I needed a break. I feel like a failure.
12.28.08 Cycle 18 150 Clomid, HCG injection and IUI
1.7.09 Mid Cycle Scan

2009 A New Year for A New Me!!!!

I seemed to have lost myself these past three years. I have become a mother, something I would never take back, but in the process I have lost me. I have lost who I was before Gavin. I don't feel like much of a wife or a woman anymore and I want that back. I am starting a new year and a new me. More like the old me with some improvements.

First of those will be losing weight. As much of it as I can. My realistic goal is 45lbs. Which still won't put me were I need to be. That means eating out/ordering in only once a week. We have been eating out so much lately. That also means eating less "packaged" food. It also means giving up soda (except that one meal out a week). It also means working out atleast 30 min a day 5 days a week. I am hoping to join a aerobics class at a friends church.

Second is taking better care of myself. That means waking up before Gavin. If that is possible. And starting my day without him. Working out, showering and getting ready for the day before he gets up. This will be my hardest task as he comes to sleep with me in the middle of the night and never sleeps past 7am.

The third is to get more organzied and keep the house in better order. I find myself scurying to clean up when someone comes over. The house looks wonderful for the day then somehow a tornado comes through over night and the next day it is back to the way it was before. It is the matter of keeping things were they belong that is the problem. Keeping the house organized more than anything. The dishes are done the toilet is scrubbed it is the toys everywhere, the newspaper still on the coffee table the clothes clean and still in the basket waiting to be folded and hung up.

I wish the fourth goal could be to get on a schedule but with Gavin never sleeping and Chad on a swing shift well it is impossible so my goal is to make sure my other goals get done even with our crazy schedule.

Ohh the fifth. To get Gavin potty trained!!!! He was doing a great job right after he turned one. But he lost interest and i didn't push it. Maybe I should have? i really feel he will be ready for preschool at 3. It is awhile away so I will make my defintely decision then but I think he needs the social and structure of school.

The sixth goal is be a wife. Chad and I rarely go out without Gavin and when we go it is rushed to get where we are going or get done what we need to so that is my goal. Whether it be dates by ourselves or going out with friends I would love to go out atleast once a month. I was very uncomfortable leaving Gavin with anyone until recently. I realize now I am just being silly. Chad and I have a wonderful relationship and love each other very much but I think we are losing us. We are a family now. And I always thought that that meant we did everything as a family. now I know we need our time too.

Third is to spend less time doing lazy things and more time being active, productive and me.