I am Blessed!

So I am sure this will become a place to vent my frustrations so I want to start on a positive note. I will probably add to this as I think of new things but here it goes....I am Blessed.

• I am blessed to know Jesus. Might sound corny to some but it is true. I know where I stand in this life and the life ever after.
• I am blessed to know who I am. Many do not know themselves. I am a very strong willed person. Not by my own choice but I have had to grow up faster than I wish any child to have to. I have learned from this and it makes me who I am.
• I am Blessed to have a wonderful Husband who loves me even when I don't love myself. I take this for granite way too much. There is only one person I know who has a husband who is as amazing as mine and she knows who she is. That's not to say other people don't have these men but none that I have met and gotten to know. I was reminded of that today while having lunch with a friend. Unlike her husband Chad will watch Gavin whenever I needed him to no matter what. He also does things with me (and Gavin) that he may not entirely enjoy but knows how much they mean to me so he does. He is always there for me no matter what. He picks me up when I fall and always makes me reach higher than I think I can go. He is an inspiration and the strongest person I know. I pray Gavin grows up to be as an amazing man as he is.
• I am blessed because I recognize I have learned lessons in my life that I wish no one will ever have to learn.
• I have been blessed with two of the most amazing Grandparents one little girl will ever know. Not that my other Grandparents aren't wonderful people they are and I am blessed to have them as well but my father's parents touched me in a way that ever child needs. My mothers parents are strong people with strong values. They worked all their lives on the farm. They still would if their health would allow. I love them dearly but my fathers parents where different. I am not sure if it was because I was fortunate enough to see them twice a month unlike my mother's parents we only saw a couple times a year. I think it was because visiting them was like escaping my life for two weekends a month. Life was always happy with them, no worries no strife. They were German very German. They lived most of their lives in the Bronx until they moved to they Poconos when I was just an infant. I think it was when they retired. They built their home. It was located in a place called Hemlock Farms in Hawley, PA. The most wonderful place to grow up as a child. It was a private gated community and still is. You needed a key card to get in the gate or you needed to be put on a guest list by the homeowner living in the community if you were visiting. It had three lakes, two great for swimming and another great for sailing. It has a club house with a spa, gym, indoor pool, tennis courts, etc. It also had outdoor pool and a golf course. All just for its residence. It was the kinda place you needed council approval the paint your house a non natural color like blue. It was surrounded by forest and nature. You need permission to build or even cut a tree down and you were only allowed to cut the trees down enough to build a home. And the homes were spread apart not like in town. Many families from New york City built summer homes there. A tiny two bedroom home would sell for well over $300,000. I say "it was because" I haven't visited since before my grandmother died. You see my father was 19 years older than my mother so my grandparents were older than most when I was younger. Sometimes I get angry at my father for being older or my mother for marrying someone twice her age because I was young when my Grandparents died and I feel like I was cheated. I think about if I had been older I would have paid more attention to things. I don't know much about my Gebhardt heritage but I know that that is who I am. I am nothing like my mother and very little like my father. I am who I am because of them and what they have taught me. Not much in my life was ever consistent but they were. But I was young and all that mattered was how much they loved me and my sister. We were "the girls". The only granddaughters and that was important. My sister visited the house after my Grandmother passed away but I was only 15 and it hurt just to much. I regret it every day. I think back at all the things I would have done to make sure I never forget. My father and uncle sold the house soon after she died. I didn't know why I guess for the killing they made off of it. After they sold the home the new owners wanted to change the electric heat to gas. It resulted in a tragedy. The house blew up. Nothing stood but the fireplace. It was my safe haven. It was my constant. If only I had been older I would have found a way to buy the home. It was me. I will never forget the house and all of its ways. Like the height chart that was in the doorway to my sister and I's room. If anything I could have had from the house was that silly piece of trim. I think about calling my Aunt Pat (my grandmother's best friend not really related) who still lives there and going for a visit. It would be the only way to get in the gate. But I don't know why I don't. I miss everything about that place but mostly I miss my Grandparents. I would love for Gavin to have met my Grandparents. When I look at him and see myself in him I see my Grandparents, he is a Gebhardt too. I would have loved for him to have gained the values and traditions they have shared with me. I only hope I can teach him half of what they have taught me. I have never been more loved by two more incredible people and I am blessed to have grown with them and been loved and taught by them.
• I am blessed to have such amazing friends. They all know who they are. I am not shy about telling them they mean alot to me. We teach each other so much. They help me understand things I doubt. We are very open with each other and there is nothing I can not tell them. True great friends are hard to find. I know I will be able to count on them even when we are old and gray. They are always there to catch me when I fall and I love them for that.
• I am blessed to understand we need to take care of this earth. It is the only one we have people. TAKE CARE OF IT. Even doing a little can do so much.
• I am blessed because I understand that my Child is the most important thing in my life. I know that he is mine and I understand that I need to teach him, love him, provide for him, always give him security and help him become him. Some take parenthood for granite.
• I am blessed to have my sister. I love her more than she will ever know.
• I am blessed to be able to stay home with my son.
• I am blessed that I understand things happen for a reason and with prayer anything can happen.
• I am blessed because my family knows how much they mean to me.
• I am blessed....to be continued